A Prayer

Dear Lord, Let us continue to cry unexpectedly when we think too long on what our country was. Some time soon let us slowly regain our bearings. Let us find strength in what our country came so close to being and hope that we can come close again in our lifetimes. Let us fight racist and bigoted policy. And when those policies are passed, let us stand together and defend those who are being marginalized and persecuted. And when our defenses do not hold, let us hide them and let us find them safe refuge. We had hoped there was a near future where no defense was needed. This society was a dream, and we must face our current reality. Some will be encouraged to tout their prejudices they once kept quiet. We'll find this reinforced by policy. Some will have more privilege than others. Those who are privileged and good must not be complacent and must use this for those without. The nation, the society we knew is gone, and we must find strength. Though what was around us has died, our inner resolve for decency has not.

Trump's Small America

Before diving into how Trump sees America, let's clarify something first. With regards to the Billy Bush tape, he's not bragging about sexual conquests. He's bragging about sexual assault. He then said the women who have accused him of the things he proudly said he's done in private, "would not be his first choice" to sexually assault. Perhaps if they were more attractive he would have. He also said when Hillary stood in front of him, he wasn't impressed. That's disgusting and that's recent. He also said about a child, after talking to her, that he'll be dating her in 10 years. This is where his mind is when he sees a female. Yes, he has incited racial violence and fear of immigrants. I suggest reading about the black church in Mississippi that was burned to the ground and had "Vote Trump" spray painted on it. He called a supporter a "thug" and threw him out because he was black. That's more than an oops moment. He is a disgusting human being, but it's nothing compared to his policy plans. First, the wall. Physical barriers slow immigration for a time, but do not stop it. Raising economic opportunity at home to a point where the risk of immigrating doesn't match the potential marginal benefit is what keeps people in their home country. To this point, since the last government bankruptcy in the 1990s, Mexico has become economically stable and immigration has dramatically decreased. People aren't pouring across our borders in the masses Trump describes. What "the wall" does is focus our fears and paranoia on one thing, one relatively quick physical solution that saves us from all these trumped up woes. When it comes to the economy, I don't have to criticize his plans, just about every economist respected in the field has done that for me. Environment? He thinks climate change is a hoax created by the Chinese to stifle American business (almost a direct quote). Even if you think climate change isn't a big issue, the level of paranoia and conspiracy thinking should be troublesome. Foreign relations? Our allies are scared he could be President. Use of nuclear weapons will be on the table far more often. The man didn't realize Russia was in Crimea. The man has business ties in Russia... or so we think because he won't release his tax returns. Getting back to the domestic, because who cares what freeloading countries think, the Supreme Court? Who knows? He said his sister would be a good candidate who's incredibly liberal. Voting for him because of Roe v. Wade? The Lancet, one of the most respected medical journals in the world, recently published the largest and longest study on factors affecting abortion rates. Anti-Choice laws have no effect. Economic opportunity, women having the resources to support a child, and access to contraception are what reduce abortions. Whether you like these variables or not, if your end goal is to eliminate abortions, this is what we should be doing. Elections? He thinks they're rigged, though no solid evidence suggest this. Actually, a highly cited study found that out of a billion votes, somewhere around 30 were fraud (remember that whole paranoia/fear and conspiracy thing? yeah). Voter suppression is a bigger problem than voter fraud just given the numbers. Trump supporters are now sending out advertisements to urban areas with high concentrations of minorities that they should just vote by text...You can't vote by text. They're trying to trick minorities into not voting...This is voter suppression. He's stated he may not accept the election results, jeopardizing our peaceful transition of power for two centuries. Trump has suggested restricting what the press can say...this is restricting the First Amendment. He's said he wants to lock up Hillary, not after a trial but right after getting into office. This is starting to get eerily similar to some more infamous and popularly elected leaders. Using an "us/them" tone, questioning our democratic electoral system, doubting the validity of the press, imprisoning political opponents. I don't know much, but I've read enough about "strong men" in developing countries to spot one. If you placed him in another country with weaker government and social institutions, he would be a Mugabe, a Mobutu, or even more likely a Putin. Given the opportunity, he will mark the start of the decline of what America is and what America strives to be. This I have no doubt.

What's In An Email?

Looking back on this election, there will be heaps of books written about this dumpster fire posing as an election. One issue that probably won't be covered is that the lack of a variety in Hillary's scandals has been to her detriment. Yes, Hillary needed more scandals. The logic? Trump deleted thousands of emails to cover up potential business fraud, has a scam for a foundation, had a university that swindled money, had racist housing policies for his buildings, didn't pay immigrant workers, talked casually about the use of nuclear weapons and their proliferation to other countries, bragged about sexually assaulting women, then had women come forward saying he did the things he bragged about, and then he continued to objectify women by saying the alleged victims aren't attractive enough for him to assault (true story, he said it). He also said he wasn't impressed with Hillary's backside. Each one a horrendous act that should kill a politician with the semblance of a moral center. But Trump isn't a politician. He's a businessman trying to be a politician and that somehow changes the standard. The fact there's so much disgusting means none can be given adequate time by the media. It's fascinating how the fact he's done so many terrible things means you can't fully grasp any one of them and in doing so people start to believe that none of them matter. The more that gets added, the more that lessened through the wash. With Hillary, it's simple. You have emails. It doesn't matter what the emails say, it's the anticipation that one will be a bombshell. That's what people crave, the suspense. There's only one tabloid story and we can focus on it. We have the time to dissect. It can be the main talking point for cable news for more than 24 hours. Hillary needed to do more terrible to securely win this election. That's where we are in this country and that's sad.

If This Election Was Ice Cream

I know, I know. Equating politics with ice cream is so cliché. Who can forget Ben & Jerry’s Bernie’s Yearning or Mercer Dairy’s wine ice cream which Hillary helped create (true story), because if you have to talk about Trump, get a little drunk first. Or, Hoover’s Depression Bing Cherry (Don’t check that. Just believe me.). However, I want to talk about this election in terms of choices of ice cream. Let’s say, every four years we, as a society, have to choose one, and only one, ice cream flavor which we HAVE TO eat with EVERY dinner (bear with me, it gets good). This time around we have two ice cream makers making two very different flavors. The first ice cream maker has been doing this for decades, refining and fixing recipes, deciding on what satisfies most palates with most meals, and this person offers up her version of French Vanilla ice cream…We hear it and many are a little disappointed. French Vanilla? That’s so boring. There’s no pizzazz there. Others try to point out that yeah it could be better (it’s no mint with a chocolate disc on top #Bern4Life), but it’s not horrible, we can easily be happy long-term with French Vanilla, and also, this ice cream maker has been working on nailing this flavor for thirty years…so it’s probably pretty good. In the midst of the grumblings the second ice cream maker, who is pretty much an amateur and hasn’t really made ice cream before, comes on stage to offer his flavor. He stares right into the camera and says his flavor for our society is…Moose Shit…No one knows exactly what to do. Did this guy just say he’d have us eat Moose Shit ice cream for four years? People start scrambling. What did he mean by Moose Shit? Maybe he misspoke. His supporters start trying to explain to the people that what he really meant was Moose Tracks and who doesn’t love Moose Tracks? There’s fudge and peanut butter! Ice Cream experts agree Moose Tracks would be better than Moose Shit, but also agree that’s not what he said. Additionally, they point out that if the man can’t accurately present what he’s trying to feed the society (i.e. confusing Moose Shit with Moose Tracks), he probably doesn’t know the product that well, and what he’s trying to give probably isn’t that good…even if it is actually Moose Tracks. His supporters discount these so called experts as biased and clearly anti-Moose Shit. Meanwhile, the second maker isn’t saying he made a mistake and meant Moose Tracks, but instead he’s talking about how boring French Vanilla is in comparison to Moose Shit, highlighting the few bad customer reviews the first maker has had in 30years…He’s really dead certain about this whole Moose Shit thing. His ice cream supporters concede he may truly be talking about Moose Shit, because no one actually knows. But they also point out few actually know what Moose Shit tastes like, and it’s ignorant to criticize it. Who knows? It could be fantastic. Since it’s ice cream, there’s bound to be some milk and sugar in there. Maybe it’s great!... While others point out it’s still shit. During all this, the people who in fact like French Vanilla and feel good about the experience of the first ice maker are observing and thinking, “This society may actually choose to eat Moose Shit with dinner for four years because they don’t want to acknowledge French Vanilla is a better choice.” There’s 20 days left, and people have to choose between expertly crafted French Vanilla and what’s probably, let’s face it, Moose Shit. Don’t choose Moose Shit, America. *I apologize for the language*

Flickered

There's a moment in the early morning, if debt of sleep pulls remembrance of recent dreams where longing and yearning for content ensues. After a full dusk til dawn one nocturnal thought meshes with the next and nothing is distinguishable with a concrete beginning or absolute end. But a story broken with no chance to trick your mind back into rest, for much is to do today, I stare at my ceiling counting down the tics to the second alarm trying fruitlessly to erase what the subconscious posed as desire. The setting was simple but the emotions from glimpses more vivid and engulfing then a woken me will ever admit. There was a level of calm unknown before or after. Eyes open, pins of pain scatter head to torso knowing its a severed hope. Begin to convince myself content is idleness when a slightly static spoiled voice sounds from the dresser. Thank God for BBC, now I start my day.

The Business of Non-Profits

Please take the below entry as a "scenario" and not complete gospel. Some lines are well-known accusation instead of confirmed truth. The scenario is explained in first person mainly because my comfort with the writing style and should not be seen as my actual life experiences. Some of the entry has the slim possibility of not being fully true, so all names are changed to protect individuals. The blog is written to express the frustrating complexities a Westerner may experience when working with a NGO in a developing country.

A man by the name of Renaldo was once the Executive Secretary of the Dedicated Blessings Advocacy Group. He then took a 6month stint with a major international charity to apparently help our relationship with the INGO. Dedicated Blessings put in place a transition ES while Renaldo was gone. When he returned, the organization gave him the position of project leader for Child Defilement, an area that was made solely for him. We also hired a new Executive Secretary that has turned out to be incredibly professional and on his game. This was less than 5months ago and for the past month Renaldo has been on holiday. I found out today from the Executive Secretary that Renaldo has just taken a job with the international charity for the next year. Which means Renaldo worked with the INGO for 6months, used Dedicated Blessings as a buffer job (spending 20% of the paid time on vacation), and is now back with the big org, leaving Dedicated Blessings hanging.
(5months after the above) Since Renaldo’s departure for the INGO, other disappointing events have come to light. Over a month ago I accidentally took possession of some documents, which turned out to be Notifications of Debt Collection. The guy was speaking broken English, and I thought the attorney was just someone from another NGO giving us his letters of introduction. Now this was the first time the new Executive Secretary, the Board as a whole, and myself had ever heard of such debt. It is rational to conclude that if I had not accidentally taken possession of the letters addressed to those involved in the dispute, no one in the organization would have ever been informed about it.
Now the Notifications of Debt Collection pertain to a personal loan of 20million UGS ($10,000), which was dispersed on October 6th 2009, about a week before I reached site. The person who received the loan is a board member and had the Chairman and the Executive Secretary at the time (Renaldo) sign off on the debt, using the organization’s name and our vehicle as collateral…Just wait it gets better. But before I continue I need to say a few things about the Chairman. The man’s brother was the spokesperson for the ADF (actual rebel/terrorist organization you can look up). The brother is free today in the border area because of Uganda’s blanket amnesty. The Chairman himself was once arrested for sympathizing with the ADF. The Chairman’s brother is also married to a woman who works for our organization, but he has not seen her or sent financial support since she became pregnant with their youngest son. The Chairman has not condemned his brother’s actions or personally helped her in any way and even rejected a small pay increase in her salary. When the woman’s infant was in the hospital for several days, the Chairman lied about visiting the child to get out of meeting and in actuality never showed his support at the boy’s bedside even once. It is also whispered that he applied for a Peace Corps Volunteer in an attempt to acquire funding, despite PC making it perfectly clear that we are poor. The other organization he is a board member of and a receiver of a PCV flat out said it was for money.
Now get ready…The board member who received the large sum under Dedicated Blessings’ name is coincidentally Renaldo’s father. The action was against our bylaws, unlawful, a conflict of interest, and terribly bad taste. The letters stated we had one week to settle the debt or risk being sued and most likely losing our vehicle. The loan would amount to a large portion of our yearly budget, if we had to pay it. Luckily, one of the members of our board is a magistrate in a nearby district, and we let him lose on the issue, as he was as upset about the abuse of power as we were. Now the board member who used the organization as his own personal security net has accepted in writing that he is the sole person liable for the debt and has started selling off property to settle the issue.
With all the disgust caused by the inconceivable actions you would think some feet would be twitching from the rafters. It is now the beginning of August and the Chairman is still the Chairman, the board member is still a board member, and Renaldo is still working comfortably with the INGO. Why the inaction? Well the Chairman has reached his term limit and has to step down soon anyways and the board member will apparently be handled in due time. Some fear if we make them examples and remove the members by force, they may go public and tarnish the organization’s reputation. For the record, the current employees in charge of our project appear dedicated to the mission, highly capable in their duties, and understand the criteria for professionalism. Though I disagree with how the abuse is being handled, it is rational to hesitate using a firm hand for fear of damaging our current and future work. Renaldo has a monopoly card in his pocket because of the position he has at the big charity. The man is in charge of a large domestic violence campaign from which we receive finances…Yeah, isn’t this a fun situation? If we try unsuccessfully to flog him, we run the risk of losing our funding from the INGO.
Charities are founded to put themselves out of business. You construct a board and an administration in hopes of ending poverty in an area. You strive to place everyone on a certain level of income, and if you accomplish your mission, the NGO should celebrate with a closure. This is one of the major qualities that make this kind of non-profit different from a business. The purpose of a charity, in theory, is not to be self-interested for the long-term. As with any model, it all goes to hell when you add the human variable and his hubris. Individuals are focused on the promotion of their own status or that of their kin. Evolution, procreation, and the family unit itself all substantiate this claim. In the developing world, the non-profit sector is seen as a great way to build experience and make a respectable living. NGOs are as abundant as businesses in Uganda, and have the benefit of the wholesome feel. There is plenty of work to be done by non-profits in the country, and it is important to have the solutions be self-sustaining by local organizations, but we also must understand a career in charities is not viewed the same in the developing world as back in the West. We have a habit of thinking Third Sector positions are for those interested more in their impact on others than their own financial and power gains. An image of a struggling social worker performing good works and barely surviving on what is somehow called a salary, meanders in our minds when a non-profit employee is mentioned. However, when the entire country is impoverished suddenly the large number of jobs handling the problems do not seem like that bad of a career choice. It is extremely beneficial to have the best and the brightest of a country working on eradicating the plagues hindering a nation. Just as important though, are the intentions and personal ambitions of those taking up the cause driven positions.
Renaldo benefited greatly from taking up the new job with the international charity. He is now in charge of a major campaign at a well respected INGO. I’m sure he thinks he is being more beneficial to the country in his new position with his new esteem and income. However, his unexpected departure left the area of Child Defilement unattended for a number of months, causing several cases to mysteriously fade away. And due to what at best was family duty, he signed off on a massive loan for his dad. Renaldo exposed Dedicated Blessings, an organization with positive impacts in the area, to liabilities the foundation would be hard press to cover. The financial promotion of a family member was more important than the obligations he had to the organization and the thousands of citizens we try to help. I guess ideals fail when idealistic people are sparse.

Debasing God and Diluting the Holy Spirit

As readers of my infrequent entries may have already guessed, the title is meant to be provocative and to some extent a play on words. I do believe the brink of excommunication in the header may hold truth, but let me debrief first. Perhaps due to the extensive lengths of isolation, my dream state has become rather vivid occupying seven hours at night and a few hours during the day when I should be tending to work, if I had any. Recently my foggy memory tugged at an image of a belief in a “K” faith which holds power over the masses. Now looking back, it was probably just my sub-conscious floating the idea of teleKinesis which I’m sure I had to have thought about in my very academic viewings of documentaries of modern culture in the forms of mind numbing, yet nostalgic, cartoons of superheroes. However, the dream did get me wondering and the search had me stumble upon little known Kenosis. Christian theologians have transformed the meaning of “emptying” in Greek into the idea that when Christ died he emptied his love onto the world. Christ was the greatest example of God’s love, Christ was the greatest example of God’s sacrifice. The theory is God was not performing one single act of ultimate subservient love to man’s will, but rather the clear example of the essence of God’s purpose on earth. If the greatest deed one can do is lay down his life/comfort for another, than why should it be expected that the Holy is consumed by anything else. This is not to say God is inferior to man, but rather allows herself to act as a slave to man’s actions.

Now those harping the power and wrath of the Almighty God found mostly in the Old Testament would condemn these thoughts as heresy, but I persist. If one believes that truth found in Christ existed before there was man or earth as the first verses of flowery John states with the “Word” never ceasing or starting, one may find early teachings of God’s powerful vendettas contradictory to what Christ taught as universal truth, and perhaps the Torah was a guide rather than an accurate historical document (I’m just saying it’s possible, so don’t send letters yet). Kenosis gives direction and words to what others tried to grapple when understanding God’s surrender. The crucifixion was an event that created a new faith(or just made an addition to the current faith depending on what part of the Bible), but it was also the pinnacle of Jehovah’s self-imposed obligation to mankind. Ponder it this way, Christians are taught that the life of Jesus is the model for us all and he was also fully God. The physical deeds of Christ reflect the transcending spiritual roles of God and to think otherwise would be to argue Christ was separate from God in at least this respect and could easily jeopardize what most acknowledge as the Holy Trinity with the 3 being individual but 3 being the same in mind and purpose. The entire life of Jesus was brimming with servitude to man in hopes they will discover enlightenment without the vigorous hand of God’s forced direction. If Christ acts as a slave, than the logical flow is God is the same in existence. Kenosis allows for scientific evolution in all senses, and the complete secularism of society, for that is when sacrifice in God’s love is most prevalent.

Stopping my ramblings for a second, isn’t it heart achingly beautiful and humbling? I believe the rationale behind Kenosis is still to glorify, but for different reasons. A God fearing man misinterprets the necessity to worship. The Almighty should be praised not because he holds all power and could rain down destruction, if you don’t accept the sacrifice on the cross, but rather that he has chosen concede his limitless power and move through the world as an assistant to those he loves though they may forsake him and cause him unbearable pain. You may think this is all contradictory to Christian dogma. I mean what’s the point for prayer, if we’re the ones given the command, and how could God be the decider of vengeance if he holds less status than the accused? Fortunately, man is already taught to believe in contradictions because they are accepted in Christianity (a few of which I’ve already used). Christ was fully man and fully God? The Trinity with each being separate but the same? God being omniscient and omnipotent yet prayer is required? God is omnipresent yet you have to ask him into your life, which will have sin and it’s stated he can’t exist among sin? Kenosis is clearly outside mainstream dogma, but it has to have a stake in Christianity.

Following down this spiral metaphor of God as a facilitator for class discussion rather than lecturer, I will make an argument for the Holy Spirit as an immaterial thought process rather than a Mensa President Dove. While the purpose of Christ on earth was to clarify God’s use and our attempt to replicate, the Holy Spirit can be unraveled as the direction, inspiration, clarification of what man’s function/ mission is. Christ gave the disciples the right words and tools to use, and the Holy Spirit is that special, gentle kick in the tucus to get going. My question is whether Yahweh 3^rd is an actual entity or instead the strength of constitution, the comfort, and the grit moments God gives his followers when they need to see the dim route to trip down.

The inquiry led me to that dusty bind of thin pages, thickened only by the pure number of words between the boards, yep I mean the Bible (actually I’m using an electronic program specific for the Testaments, but all the same). **Warning! Specific scripture is discussed below and it gets Jesussy!** I confess, I try to rely on theological interpretations of the word more often than I rely on the word itself. This is my practice not because I fear the Bible or rather my lack of commitment to survive the monotony of Leviticus and Deuteronomy. I am just weary of being able to read one version of the Bible straight through. When you come to the pages you come with your own desperations and prejudices and they change daily. In order to gain one unified understanding of what the Bible speaks a reader must present himself to the word with the same mindset each day. For instance, if you come to the Songs of Solomon with the pining heart of a longing lover, you may see the words as a rarely known understanding of physical love that few can ever taste. If you hold shrewdness to the idea of union between two, perhaps from a recent jilt, the words are naïve and even profane with no place in such a sacred collection. So I present myself to the word when I find myself in similar state as always (confused and in need).

On a number of occasions the apostles were filled with the Holy Spirit when they needed courage to continue on, but why did it not stay with them in the first place if it has a physical existence? When Cornelius of Caesarea, a “God Fearing Man” who sacrificed much alms to God Sr., was asked by said deity to call on Simon Peter for the words of guidance in understanding life which Cornelius needed, the “Holy Spirit” descended down upon those present only after Peter began to speak the gospel of instruction from Christ (Acts 10). Philip, one of the 7 evangelists given an “increase” in God’s word but not the apostle and not with the Holy Spirit somehow still healed the sick through the use of Christ in Samaria and baptized them in the name of Christ, but still no Holy Spirit. Now apostles Peter and John batted clean up and gave the peeps the Holy Spirit (Acts 8). Maybe Philip was just a novice and handing out the early AD version of scare tactic pamphlets with a Mormon in a bicycle helmet chilling in heaven drinking Ovaltine and an unsavory man shackled and tortured (not in a kinky way) in despair and Christ in between them. He may also have been handing out WWJD? T-shirts. Or the people just needed a little more slapping around and a talking to because they had been following a sorcerer named Simon for a number of years (personally I think it was a big trifecta). After this experience Philip preached to a soprano servant of Ethiopia which could have been vital to the spread of the faith (remember the last king of Ethiopia). Once again the eunuch was baptized but no Holy Spirit, and Philip went again to someplace else to try to put his skills in order. Saul, filled with Holy Spirit after receiving his sight, went straight away with the conviction of Christ’s teachings. The last of the Trinity has little pattern in which it consumes those that hear the word. We only know that those who receive are filled with an earnest and a focus on preaching Christ’s instructions. In their desire to fill the void for 12, left by Judas’s duty to cause the crucifixion, it was stated the betrayer had a portion of the ministry, or rather a point of view of the gospel, which needed a substitute so they added another to make a dozen and only then did the Holy Spirit reign upon them when they were whole and could present a true picture of God to the masses. They also had the knowledge of languages inserted into them orally or sepository (the more fun way) or crunched down on some top notch Rosetta Stone Programs and used the intelligence and memory God blessed them with. Perhaps this is why Peter and John were needed to supplement Philip, the evangelist, in order for the people to receive the Holy Spirit. Now I would never declare I have a full understanding of the methods in which the Almighty projects herself into profane man, but I do believe viewing the Holy Spirit as some mystical being taking judgment on whether one should know him is contrary to reason and the texts. And yes, my arguments of God the 3^rd being the zeal one has with a full understanding of Christ’s love corners me into accepting that I have most likely not been filled with the Holy Spirit. But I would rather strive to prepare and educate in order to house such an exasperation of the faith, than nonchalantly believe the depth is within me and everyday taking for granted the drive one with the Holy Spirit is suppose to have.

Now I am an unoriginal blasphemer, this is true. However, Christianity should be respected for the leeway allowed within it. The faith is beautiful in its power of frailty and vulnerability to corruption. Though man’s hubris allows him to find variety in the sternest of religious edicts like Judaism and Islam, Christianity is a mindset meant to change behavior and not the other way around. This grants the believer his own ability to interpret before the word takes physical action in his life. Just as God is a voluntary slave to mankind, the teachings of Christ are at the mercy of the reader in hopes that he will find a path to salvation. Some theologians boast the power of the Bible, which holds cement edicts on how man should live and this may be partly true, but the men are using their own interpretation. The Bible is merely a book; yes a Godly and inspirational book, but a book none the less. The Bible allows itself to be crucified daily by those who read it, just as those it speaks of suffer(ed) with religion as the crucial inflictor. The great mind, Dietrich Bonhoffer wrote from his cell in a Nazi jail, “The ‘religious act’ is always something partial, ‘faith’ is something whole, involving the whole of one’s life. Jesus calls men, not to a new religion, but to life.” -Amen