If This Election Was Ice Cream

I know, I know. Equating politics with ice cream is so cliché. Who can forget Ben & Jerry’s Bernie’s Yearning or Mercer Dairy’s wine ice cream which Hillary helped create (true story), because if you have to talk about Trump, get a little drunk first. Or, Hoover’s Depression Bing Cherry (Don’t check that. Just believe me.). However, I want to talk about this election in terms of choices of ice cream. Let’s say, every four years we, as a society, have to choose one, and only one, ice cream flavor which we HAVE TO eat with EVERY dinner (bear with me, it gets good). This time around we have two ice cream makers making two very different flavors. The first ice cream maker has been doing this for decades, refining and fixing recipes, deciding on what satisfies most palates with most meals, and this person offers up her version of French Vanilla ice cream…We hear it and many are a little disappointed. French Vanilla? That’s so boring. There’s no pizzazz there. Others try to point out that yeah it could be better (it’s no mint with a chocolate disc on top #Bern4Life), but it’s not horrible, we can easily be happy long-term with French Vanilla, and also, this ice cream maker has been working on nailing this flavor for thirty years…so it’s probably pretty good. In the midst of the grumblings the second ice cream maker, who is pretty much an amateur and hasn’t really made ice cream before, comes on stage to offer his flavor. He stares right into the camera and says his flavor for our society is…Moose Shit…No one knows exactly what to do. Did this guy just say he’d have us eat Moose Shit ice cream for four years? People start scrambling. What did he mean by Moose Shit? Maybe he misspoke. His supporters start trying to explain to the people that what he really meant was Moose Tracks and who doesn’t love Moose Tracks? There’s fudge and peanut butter! Ice Cream experts agree Moose Tracks would be better than Moose Shit, but also agree that’s not what he said. Additionally, they point out that if the man can’t accurately present what he’s trying to feed the society (i.e. confusing Moose Shit with Moose Tracks), he probably doesn’t know the product that well, and what he’s trying to give probably isn’t that good…even if it is actually Moose Tracks. His supporters discount these so called experts as biased and clearly anti-Moose Shit. Meanwhile, the second maker isn’t saying he made a mistake and meant Moose Tracks, but instead he’s talking about how boring French Vanilla is in comparison to Moose Shit, highlighting the few bad customer reviews the first maker has had in 30years…He’s really dead certain about this whole Moose Shit thing. His ice cream supporters concede he may truly be talking about Moose Shit, because no one actually knows. But they also point out few actually know what Moose Shit tastes like, and it’s ignorant to criticize it. Who knows? It could be fantastic. Since it’s ice cream, there’s bound to be some milk and sugar in there. Maybe it’s great!... While others point out it’s still shit. During all this, the people who in fact like French Vanilla and feel good about the experience of the first ice maker are observing and thinking, “This society may actually choose to eat Moose Shit with dinner for four years because they don’t want to acknowledge French Vanilla is a better choice.” There’s 20 days left, and people have to choose between expertly crafted French Vanilla and what’s probably, let’s face it, Moose Shit. Don’t choose Moose Shit, America. *I apologize for the language*