(27 October) Location, Location, Location

Are you where you thought you'd be seems to be a theme that keeps leaching its way into my mind during my journey filled hours of staring at the wall, waking in the night to sounds of rats in the ceiling, cooking, and other terrible habits I've developed since being in Africa waiting for constructive work to develop at my organization. A decade ago I knew I would be a defense attorney holding up the side of law few glamorize yet I found noble. I grew up and spent a handful of years rambling through college, which by the end I thought I knew where I wanted to desire myself. I would surely marry after I finished grad school and found a decent job with an international NGO and live a life less ordinary but still with hints of Rockwell as Americana would seep through the edges of rebellion as fresh zeal for the world would turn to concerns about school districts and the inevitable soccer game. Even six months passed, I knew where I need to be. I would seek my life in Africa trying to find salvation through the faces of those in mire and slowly sink into the daily works as I embrace my footing amongst all. Now I'm 24 nearing 90days in the bush and my hair has grown longer, beard is full, eyes quite haggard, head more heavy, grin a little less crooked, and heart more wrenched with disbelief. Sleep seems some sinister game made by a jester and he's informed all but me. I know I can win if I just slow the fidgeting of the strings of the mind. I'm sitting in a community hall waiting for a Domestic Violence to commence and I know without dissatisfaction or anxiety that this is not where I expected to be 6 months ago, let alone years. What sets this moment in obscurity from all the dusty blips on my path which moved my hand to door number two is that I have no vision of where I should be anytime in the future...and I currently don't mind it.

(20 October) New Site

I am currently located in the Kasese District on the road to the Congo about 13miles from the border with a great view of the Rwenzori Mountains. The organization that I'm working for is called the Good Hope Foundation for Rural Development and it focuses on Human Rights on a broad range of issues. I hope to be helping them revamp the NGO on their bylaws, constitution, and areas of concern. I'm fairly excited. Before making it to Uganda I stopped off in New York for a week to see one of my quasi-cousins, Kelly, and her fiance, Imran, and decided I loved every minute, so I've decided once I get back in two years I will either start my Ph. D. in New England or find a job in New York or both if Columbia or NYU have what I'm looking for. I just keep telling myself I have to make it through these next two years in the bush and then I can see friends again, watch a movie in a theater, and even have some genuine fried foods...I'm in awe every time I think of how happy the people are and how little they actually have. I know any little sacrifice I may make will be less than the help I can bring (yep I'm still a corny, idealistic, utilitarian). Beyond that I'm sure I'm barely a shadow of who you once knew, but I guess that's to be expected from time. Hair has grown longer, beard more Jesusy, heart more tender, yet mind more immersed and mouth more cynical... if that's possible. Sorry I've rambled, this letter has become my escape from evaluating the organization's infrastructure and studying Lhukonzo...Yep I still procrastinate like no other.

(11 September) Thoughts on the Riots

We don't have democracy like in your country. When have elections they are never fair and free. If it gets bad you will have to fly away, but will stay here. (Rebecca Ssabwe, my mama)

I'm currently in Wakiso or Mpuga, Uganda. This is the second day of bloodshed and instability in the country, with at least 5 dead yesterday and 3 today. We have been bound to our homes since yesterday afternoon. Those Peace Corps Trainees that were in Wakiso at the various hangout spots for relaxation were quickly evacuated by PC Uganda and sent to their houses. My home is situated on a large intersection, which allowed my home stay family and myself to witness hundreds of people running from the trading center for fear of their lives and loved ones waiting eagerly for their children and spouses from Wakiso. Gratefully all met their families with smiles and hugs as they have made it passed the fire barricades in town by the rioters. Gunfire has continued throughout yesterday and today despite military personnel and police patrolling the trading center. I don't really know what is going to happen. The hostility is due to the fact President Museveni is supporting the creation of a new kingdom inside the kingdom of Buganda, which is the largest and most influential kingdom in Uganda. Museveni is from the west and is not from the Buganda area. There are strong opinions that the President is trying to decrease the influence of the Kabaka (King) by slowly cutting away his territory. A bold move by the leader of the country, but fairly expected by such a man. I wonder if Museveni expected such a reaction...I listened as the Secretary of Information told the radio audience that the riots and violence were planned by the Kabaka and the government was well aware of their preparations. As a reaction to Museveni's proposed slicing of the land, the Kabaka wishes to visit the territory on Saturday, which he has every right to do as it is still part of his kingdom. The President has refused the King access to the territory because he says he cannot guarantee the King's safety and it is this action that has caused the violence, the protests, the riots. I just witnessed on television the police cracking down on protesters, however, none of them appeared to be resisting even as the police are beating and caning them before the throw them into the backs of trucks. Those arrested do not seem to be causing any problems and are quite literally being dragged out of their homes to the sounds of screaming wives and family members. Then they are senselessly beaten by the police for begging them to stop arresting them. A legitimate democracy is sometimes signified by a peaceful transition of power due to a democratic process. However, since Museveni snatched power none such transition has occurred. Since being placed as President he has had the Constitution changed to allow for a third term and is now working to remove term limits. Tomorrow maybe worse than the previous, because the Kabaka will attempt to go to the land and will most likely be refused. We in the Peace Corps truly have no idea what will happen to us. Today I walked to an area fairly far away to obtain airtime. The area seemed peaceful, but I thought I heard gunfire in that direction earlier in the day. But I was out of airtime and it's nearly impossible to sit in your home and not know what other people in the area are doing. This is an interesting start to the second month. I know neither side is without error and neither side is holy on this subject. I also find it interesting how people have come together for protection. People are welcoming others to come and stay with them and even stashing their cars in someone's backyard because when the riots occur cars are the first thing they try and burn. We have been housing a mother and her child who tried to return to Kampala without success, the capital is much worse than here. My mama took them in and gave them a place to stay and food for the night. Another instance was when I went to go find airtime. As most would try to do, I wanted to buy as much as I could afford because I wanted to make a couple short international calls and keep in touch with the 42 other volunteers dealing with the issue in Wakiso. The shopkeeper would only allow me to buy 5,000 shillings worth even though I asked for 10k. The man knew he was holding on to a scarce resource since I had gone to at least 5 other stores before him, and he wanted to make sure that others were going to be able to call their loved ones. He quite admirably and quite against what we view as capitalist, I had money and he had a product. The man gave up a nice guaranteed increase in revenue to help others in the area. Yesterday we saw several people jumping into random truck beds, people throwing their bikes into strangers cars and getting in. The community knows how to take care of itself. We really do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. It is like a game of chess. The President decided to halt the King's tour of the area. The King's supporters responded with riots yesterday and the President's men were in full force today.

(August 6) Orderly Chaos of the Next Two Years

Eventful doesn't begin to describe the past 36hours or so. We started in Philly around 9 and then took a 3hour bus ride to JFK which I had passed about 4 times before during my visit with Kelly earlier in the week, but that's neither here nor there. We stayed at JFK for about 7hours, 2 of which was waiting to check-in and the rest was waiting for a delayed flight. Despite our greatest hopes, we did reach our Brussels connection flight, but still had time to down some good Belgian beer. I couldn't have asked for better travel buddies for the flights. Thank you to the two eloquently beautiful women, Sami and Courtney. To sum up, 36 hours, 4countries, 4airports, and I believe 4 bad airplane meals. Now for more serious issues...There has been talk of who some believe will be leaving the program, this is bound to happen because on average 30% will quit the Peace Corps and there will always be gossip and that need to sort out the mystery before it willing reveals itself. Now this is a public blog which anyone can read, so I will not be listing names of who I've heard maybe leaving or who said it, but there are some underlying issues that must be accepted and solved if someone is going to be successful. The person you are now will not be anywhere close to who you are in 27months. This fact is true to everyone going through something profound, but somewhat unique with an experience like the Peace Corps because we will not have our loved ones or even our culture to fall back on when we shake at what's in front of us. If we use our most recent experiences to help solve problems, physical and philosophical, then our way of ourselves will change dramatically as we gradually move through the 27months. If you do not have constant contact with someone over the 27month commitment then the changes you've experienced will seem drastic for the other when you get back. I personally feel that no one will be in constant contact and thus, that tremendous change will affect the relationship eventually, despite your best hopes. Now this does not matter much for relatives or friends. A father will still be your father no matter what you believe, and a friend will most likely see you as just more interesting and able to have better conversations helping them build and grow. However, when it comes to intimate relationships, where the other half has seen your deepest core soul, whether through your emotional interactions during tramas or through intense physical connection, there is an expectation that you will not change in relation to how the other person views you. Meaning that A and B being in the same environment, staying constant and going through the same experience will grow in similar directions. However, the a Peace Corps experience is meant to take you out of that and therefore, you will grow at a different speed and possibly a different direction then what would have been. Now if you believe in the one true love idea, then God bless you and none of my argument holds weight. However, if you are more of a realist, then it's a rationale to ponder. When you took on the commitment you knew the risk to not only your physical well-being but also your social well-being as you saw prior to traveling to Philly. No matter what you thought your feelings were for somebody before you joined the Peace Corps, there is no denying that those feelings for the person and him/her for you are toward the you and the other that will be 2years 3months outdated. If you're here that means the experiences and people you'd meet with the Peace Corps outweigh any possible changes to your former status-quo.