What's In An Email?

Looking back on this election, there will be heaps of books written about this dumpster fire posing as an election. One issue that probably won't be covered is that the lack of a variety in Hillary's scandals has been to her detriment. Yes, Hillary needed more scandals. The logic? Trump deleted thousands of emails to cover up potential business fraud, has a scam for a foundation, had a university that swindled money, had racist housing policies for his buildings, didn't pay immigrant workers, talked casually about the use of nuclear weapons and their proliferation to other countries, bragged about sexually assaulting women, then had women come forward saying he did the things he bragged about, and then he continued to objectify women by saying the alleged victims aren't attractive enough for him to assault (true story, he said it). He also said he wasn't impressed with Hillary's backside. Each one a horrendous act that should kill a politician with the semblance of a moral center. But Trump isn't a politician. He's a businessman trying to be a politician and that somehow changes the standard. The fact there's so much disgusting means none can be given adequate time by the media. It's fascinating how the fact he's done so many terrible things means you can't fully grasp any one of them and in doing so people start to believe that none of them matter. The more that gets added, the more that lessened through the wash. With Hillary, it's simple. You have emails. It doesn't matter what the emails say, it's the anticipation that one will be a bombshell. That's what people crave, the suspense. There's only one tabloid story and we can focus on it. We have the time to dissect. It can be the main talking point for cable news for more than 24 hours. Hillary needed to do more terrible to securely win this election. That's where we are in this country and that's sad.

If This Election Was Ice Cream

I know, I know. Equating politics with ice cream is so cliché. Who can forget Ben & Jerry’s Bernie’s Yearning or Mercer Dairy’s wine ice cream which Hillary helped create (true story), because if you have to talk about Trump, get a little drunk first. Or, Hoover’s Depression Bing Cherry (Don’t check that. Just believe me.). However, I want to talk about this election in terms of choices of ice cream. Let’s say, every four years we, as a society, have to choose one, and only one, ice cream flavor which we HAVE TO eat with EVERY dinner (bear with me, it gets good). This time around we have two ice cream makers making two very different flavors. The first ice cream maker has been doing this for decades, refining and fixing recipes, deciding on what satisfies most palates with most meals, and this person offers up her version of French Vanilla ice cream…We hear it and many are a little disappointed. French Vanilla? That’s so boring. There’s no pizzazz there. Others try to point out that yeah it could be better (it’s no mint with a chocolate disc on top #Bern4Life), but it’s not horrible, we can easily be happy long-term with French Vanilla, and also, this ice cream maker has been working on nailing this flavor for thirty years…so it’s probably pretty good. In the midst of the grumblings the second ice cream maker, who is pretty much an amateur and hasn’t really made ice cream before, comes on stage to offer his flavor. He stares right into the camera and says his flavor for our society is…Moose Shit…No one knows exactly what to do. Did this guy just say he’d have us eat Moose Shit ice cream for four years? People start scrambling. What did he mean by Moose Shit? Maybe he misspoke. His supporters start trying to explain to the people that what he really meant was Moose Tracks and who doesn’t love Moose Tracks? There’s fudge and peanut butter! Ice Cream experts agree Moose Tracks would be better than Moose Shit, but also agree that’s not what he said. Additionally, they point out that if the man can’t accurately present what he’s trying to feed the society (i.e. confusing Moose Shit with Moose Tracks), he probably doesn’t know the product that well, and what he’s trying to give probably isn’t that good…even if it is actually Moose Tracks. His supporters discount these so called experts as biased and clearly anti-Moose Shit. Meanwhile, the second maker isn’t saying he made a mistake and meant Moose Tracks, but instead he’s talking about how boring French Vanilla is in comparison to Moose Shit, highlighting the few bad customer reviews the first maker has had in 30years…He’s really dead certain about this whole Moose Shit thing. His ice cream supporters concede he may truly be talking about Moose Shit, because no one actually knows. But they also point out few actually know what Moose Shit tastes like, and it’s ignorant to criticize it. Who knows? It could be fantastic. Since it’s ice cream, there’s bound to be some milk and sugar in there. Maybe it’s great!... While others point out it’s still shit. During all this, the people who in fact like French Vanilla and feel good about the experience of the first ice maker are observing and thinking, “This society may actually choose to eat Moose Shit with dinner for four years because they don’t want to acknowledge French Vanilla is a better choice.” There’s 20 days left, and people have to choose between expertly crafted French Vanilla and what’s probably, let’s face it, Moose Shit. Don’t choose Moose Shit, America. *I apologize for the language*